Pride and Anger

Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well after the storm!

Today, I am going talk to you about the thing I struggled most with my brother being away. It was finding the balance between the pride I felt for my brother and the anger I had towards him for leaving. When he left, I was so proud of him. Watching him get onto that airplane in his greens made me feel like the most proud sister in the entire world. Although fear was hidden beneath that pride, I knew that he was doing what was right for him. He was going to do great things overseas, and it was his calling.
However, the pride did not seem so strong on all the important days he missed. On graduation day, I was so angry at him. I did not want anyone to even speak his name. I could not wrap my mind around why he was not there. My brother and I are more like best friends, and we always supported each other in everything. When he did something for school, I was always there to be the loudest person in the crowd cheering for him. He did the same for me, but this time it was going to be different, and I was mad at him for missing it. Deep in my heart, I knew that he would have been there if there was any possible way for him to be, but he was not there, and I did not know how to process or deal with that. My best way of dealing with it was avoiding it. So that is what I did. I tried to act like nothing was wrong, and that everyone I wanted to be there was. That did not last long, though. That night, when everyone came over to celebrate, my mom played a slideshow, beginning with pictures of me and my brother when we were younger. I got so mad at my mom for playing this, and I left the room. My aunt came after me, and I will never forget what she said. She told me I was mad. That sounds simple, but I never admitted to anyone I was mad, and she just said it. Finally, I was able to break through the barrier. I never wanted anyone to know I was mad. What if something happened to him? I would forever be known as the girl who was mad at her brother when he died, but now that someone else told me it was okay to be mad, I was able to express that anger.
Expressing your anger is very important, and it does not mean you are not still proud of your soldier. If you ever get mad or upset about your soldier's decision, seriously consider talking to someone. It was the best feeling to get it off my chest.

Well, I hope you are have a great week!